DIPLOMATIC OVERTURES HAVE YET TO SWAY WEATHER PATTERN

LACK OF EYES, EARS AND A CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM POSSIBLE FACTORS

Newport, VA - Local beach-goers in this sleepy Virginia vacation spot have attempted to reason with Hurricane Earl, though thus far their attempts have fallen on deaf tropical moisture.

“We Virginians come from a long line of idiots. My father was an idiot, and his father before him. Within the context of that strong tradition, we are determined to reason with this storm,” said beach enthusiast Cathy Dix. “We figure that if we just ask it nicely, the Hurricane will dissipate.”

Earl is the first major weather event of the 2010 Hurricane Season and threatens to ruin labor day plans across the East Coast. Fueled by warm North Atlantic waters caused by a record hot summer in the North East, the Hurricane is threatening shores far less prepared for the power of category four hurricanes than communities along the Gulf. ”So one way we could prevent things like this from happening, is to limit emissions that cause Global Warming,” said a heathonous scientist in nearby Washingtn, DC, but Miss Dix is not having it.

“Global Warming is just an international hoax engineered by communists so that Al Gore can sell more movie tickets,” she said. “We’re going to do the rational thing and engage in open dialogue with the hurricane. Or if that doesn’t work, there are always predator drones.”