September 15, 2010
IPAD DOES ANOTHER THINGTECH REVIEW Now that I have my iPad I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting, mostly because the iPad stays off and I’m looking into the screen, just admiring it. “One day,” I whisper to it, “you will be a useful tool. But for now, I just want to rub myself against you. And thats just about the oldest App there ever was.” Can you even remember the dark ages before the iPhone when everyone still called Apps “Applications”? What were we thinking? Why did we keep saying “Plications” like a bunch of slaves? “Apps” is much more utilitarian and it sounds cooler. Anyway, today I discovered that there’s a thing I used to do without an iPad and just found out that I can do that very same thing WITH the iPad. If that isn’t just about the coolest thing you’ve ever heard I don’t know what to say to you - you must be a replicant from the future sent back in time to tell me how uncool all the shit we have now is. Because from my POV, I am eagerly anticipating using this new App to do all sorts of the things it was designed to do. And this time it will be different. It wont be like all those other Apps that I thought I would use all the time that I don’t ever use. This App is going to be like a third appendage. I will one day look back on the old days before I had this App and say, “Remember when I used to do that thing without the iPad? How very quaint.” Like, take reading, for example. This summer I went to the beach with my new iPad and breezed through SuperFreakonomics like nobody’s business (Does that guy have statistics about everything or what!?) and it was JUST LIKE having a real book. Only it can run out of batteries, you can’t buy it used, you can’t misplace it or spill anything on it and you know, theres the direct sunlight thing. But whatever. There will be an App for all that coming up I’m sure of it. Maybe it will be called a Book. Whatever, I’m rambling. It’s a lot thinner, okay. You can fit it in a bookbag. You show me a book that can do that, Mr Replicant. Anyway, this new App will be just like that: I will use it all the time when I used to use antiquated technologies. And all of my other Tech Review buddies are super excited about it, so you know it’s a big deal. We’re ahead of the curve. That’s exactly who you want telling you about the things you need in your life- isn’t it? The kind of person who gets paid to talk about new things you need in your life? Here’s the thing: We know that all you want to do is stare and glowing rectangles all your life. That’s how the human mind functions best. What the iPad and this new App does is allow you more opportunities to stare at a glowing rectangle, feel like you are in the future, and spend money on something you don’t need. And that, my friends, is the American dream.

IPAD DOES ANOTHER THING
TECH REVIEW

Now that I have my iPad I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting, mostly because the iPad stays off and I’m looking into the screen, just admiring it. “One day,” I whisper to it, “you will be a useful tool. But for now, I just want to rub myself against you. And thats just about the oldest App there ever was.”

Can you even remember the dark ages before the iPhone when everyone still called Apps “Applications”? What were we thinking? Why did we keep saying “Plications” like a bunch of slaves? “Apps” is much more utilitarian and it sounds cooler.

Anyway, today I discovered that there’s a thing I used to do without an iPad and just found out that I can do that very same thing WITH the iPad. If that isn’t just about the coolest thing you’ve ever heard I don’t know what to say to you - you must be a replicant from the future sent back in time to tell me how uncool all the shit we have now is. Because from my POV, I am eagerly anticipating using this new App to do all sorts of the things it was designed to do. And this time it will be different. It wont be like all those other Apps that I thought I would use all the time that I don’t ever use. This App is going to be like a third appendage. I will one day look back on the old days before I had this App and say, “Remember when I used to do that thing without the iPad? How very quaint.”

Like, take reading, for example. This summer I went to the beach with my new iPad and breezed through SuperFreakonomics like nobody’s business (Does that guy have statistics about everything or what!?) and it was JUST LIKE having a real book. Only it can run out of batteries, you can’t buy it used, you can’t misplace it or spill anything on it and you know, theres the direct sunlight thing. But whatever. There will be an App for all that coming up I’m sure of it. Maybe it will be called a Book. Whatever, I’m rambling. It’s a lot thinner, okay. You can fit it in a bookbag. You show me a book that can do that, Mr Replicant.

Anyway, this new App will be just like that: I will use it all the time when I used to use antiquated technologies.

And all of my other Tech Review buddies are super excited about it, so you know it’s a big deal. We’re ahead of the curve. That’s exactly who you want telling you about the things you need in your life- isn’t it? The kind of person who gets paid to talk about new things you need in your life?

Here’s the thing: We know that all you want to do is stare and glowing rectangles all your life. That’s how the human mind functions best. What the iPad and this new App does is allow you more opportunities to stare at a glowing rectangle, feel like you are in the future, and spend money on something you don’t need. And that, my friends, is the American dream.

5:22pm  |   URL: http://todayinpictures.tumblr.com/post/1128164170/ipad-does-another-thing-tech-review-now-that-i
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