November 8, 2010
NEW YORK CITY MARATHON REMINDS EVERYONE ELSE OF HOW FAT AND LAZY THEY ARE NEW YORK - On the morning after the “fall back” segment of daylight savings, when most New Yorkers spent the night before drinking heavily for an extra hour’s worth of poor decisions, bad cocaine and having to listen to some jackass at a bar say “actually, Daylight Savings Time is what we’re in now, but tomorrow we’ll be back to Standard Time, isn’t that interesting?”, 45,344 people who are more motivated than you will ever be were running a marathon across the four boroughs of New York City and about six inches of Staten Island. In an annual coordinated effort to make everyone else feel like those proto-humans from Wall-E, the parade of fitness trotted through neighborhoods across the Big Apple before most of you were able to make the amble from the bedroom to the medicine cabinet and pop an Advil in preparation for a long day of sitting on your asses and dripping salsa on your sweatpants while watching football - whose athletes at least stay fit for a living, unlike these jerks who are doing this, improbably, FOR FUN. “Why do I do it?” Asked one runner, rhetorically, “Because I helped raise thousands of dollars for breast cancer research.” Oh, great, you must be thinking, that makes you feel just dandy. All you’ve ever done for breast cancer is check for lumps under the bleachers in high school. And you never found any. But what, in reality, is the connection between running twenty six miles and raising money for charity? Surely, there are less time-consuming and presumably more enjoyable ways to fund-raise. For example, one could have a bake-sale, beer pong tournament or cocaine sniffing competition? What does your average runner retort to that? “Why do I do it?” Asked another runner, again, rhetorically, as if it’s a stupid question to ask someone why they are voluntarily subjecting themselves repeatedly to the unnatural act of long-distance running, “I like to challenge myself. I like to push my body to it’s limits.” This too seems to make little sense for those of us who follow our evolutionary impulses to avoid pain and seek pleasure. Why not put a bullet in your ACL and see how long it takes for you to heal? Basically it’s the same thing. Though, admittadly, without the weight loss. Regardless, the bright side is that now the marathon has passed. Gone are the days where you have to respond to your obnoxious co-workers saying asinine things like “You know, now that I wake up at four thirty and run ten miles every day, I feel somehow MORE awake!” with a resounding, “Do you have a one dollar bill? I need to go do a line of cocaine on the toilet seat because Starbucks is not doing it today.”

NEW YORK CITY MARATHON REMINDS EVERYONE ELSE OF HOW FAT AND LAZY THEY ARE

NEW YORK - On the morning after the “fall back” segment of daylight savings, when most New Yorkers spent the night before drinking heavily for an extra hour’s worth of poor decisions, bad cocaine and having to listen to some jackass at a bar say “actually, Daylight Savings Time is what we’re in now, but tomorrow we’ll be back to Standard Time, isn’t that interesting?”, 45,344 people who are more motivated than you will ever be were running a marathon across the four boroughs of New York City and about six inches of Staten Island.

In an annual coordinated effort to make everyone else feel like those proto-humans from Wall-E, the parade of fitness trotted through neighborhoods across the Big Apple before most of you were able to make the amble from the bedroom to the medicine cabinet and pop an Advil in preparation for a long day of sitting on your asses and dripping salsa on your sweatpants while watching football - whose athletes at least stay fit for a living, unlike these jerks who are doing this, improbably, FOR FUN.

“Why do I do it?” Asked one runner, rhetorically, “Because I helped raise thousands of dollars for breast cancer research.”

Oh, great, you must be thinking, that makes you feel just dandy. All you’ve ever done for breast cancer is check for lumps under the bleachers in high school. And you never found any.

But what, in reality, is the connection between running twenty six miles and raising money for charity? Surely, there are less time-consuming and presumably more enjoyable ways to fund-raise. For example, one could have a bake-sale, beer pong tournament or cocaine sniffing competition? What does your average runner retort to that?

“Why do I do it?” Asked another runner, again, rhetorically, as if it’s a stupid question to ask someone why they are voluntarily subjecting themselves repeatedly to the unnatural act of long-distance running, “I like to challenge myself. I like to push my body to it’s limits.”

This too seems to make little sense for those of us who follow our evolutionary impulses to avoid pain and seek pleasure. Why not put a bullet in your ACL and see how long it takes for you to heal? Basically it’s the same thing. Though, admittadly, without the weight loss.

Regardless, the bright side is that now the marathon has passed. Gone are the days where you have to respond to your obnoxious co-workers saying asinine things like “You know, now that I wake up at four thirty and run ten miles every day, I feel somehow MORE awake!” with a resounding, “Do you have a one dollar bill? I need to go do a line of cocaine on the toilet seat because Starbucks is not doing it today.”

12:26pm  |   URL: http://todayinpictures.tumblr.com/post/1516984787/new-york-city-marathon-reminds-everyone-else-of
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