![JOHN EDWARDS DRAMATICALLY PULLS TWO ELDERLY PEOPLE TO SAFTEY
SAVED THEM FROM PLUNGING TO ALMOST CERTAIN DEATH
NORTH CAROLINA – John Edwards, the almost Vice President, almost Democratic Candidate for President and almost decent husband and human being, displayed what can only be described as a death-defying act of bravery when two elderly individuals fell out of a bus that had toppled over just as it was traversing a bottomless pit across a rickety old bridge on Tuesday.
“Look, I know that he’s probably a total jackass on a personal level,” said one of the lucky geezers after the dramatic event, “but when that bus was to its side and me and my friend Betty fell out of the window and were dangling there above the infinite abyss, John Edwards did not think twice. He reached out there, grabbed us as we fell, said ‘Hang on tight yall! I’ll pull you up!’ and sure enough, here I am. Alive and well, not spending the rest of my life in a freefall of terror and darkness. So he gets a free pass in my book.”
After the event, John Edwards played down his heroism, stating that “anyone would do the same in [his] position.”
“Please, forget about it,” he said, “unless you think this cancels out the cheating on my cancer-stricken wife and then threatening to kill the woman who possibly mothered my illegitimate child thing? …No? … You sure? … Ok than yeah just forget about it.”](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kqe5y6ta6F1qzlt0lo1_400.jpg)
JOHN EDWARDS DRAMATICALLY PULLS TWO ELDERLY PEOPLE TO SAFTEY
SAVED THEM FROM PLUNGING TO ALMOST CERTAIN DEATH
NORTH CAROLINA – John Edwards, the almost Vice President, almost Democratic Candidate for President and almost decent husband and human being, displayed what can only be described as a death-defying act of bravery when two elderly individuals fell out of a bus that had toppled over just as it was traversing a bottomless pit across a rickety old bridge on Tuesday.
“Look, I know that he’s probably a total jackass on a personal level,” said one of the lucky geezers after the dramatic event, “but when that bus was to its side and me and my friend Betty fell out of the window and were dangling there above the infinite abyss, John Edwards did not think twice. He reached out there, grabbed us as we fell, said ‘Hang on tight yall! I’ll pull you up!’ and sure enough, here I am. Alive and well, not spending the rest of my life in a freefall of terror and darkness. So he gets a free pass in my book.”
After the event, John Edwards played down his heroism, stating that “anyone would do the same in [his] position.”
“Please, forget about it,” he said, “unless you think this cancels out the cheating on my cancer-stricken wife and then threatening to kill the woman who possibly mothered my illegitimate child thing? …No? … You sure? … Ok than yeah just forget about it.”
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