October 26, 2009
SOCIALISM DECLAIRED IN AMERICA PRETTY MUCH WASHINGTON, DC – Although a clear majority of 30% of the country expressed its opposition by tea-bagging each other on Fox News this past August, the Government™ has announced the end of capitalism and the beginning of a slow-moving but sure process to turn the United States of America into a communist arm of Soviet Russia, which don’t tell them, but actually still exists and has been pushing for this for a long time (they’re the guys who forged Obama’s birth certificate, FYI). In a statement to the press, senate majority leader Harry Reid detailed the plan that would, in its current form, allow states to opt-out of socialism if it could prove to the Government™ that its capitalism was doing just fine thanks. Most political annalists however, see in this move echoes of Nazi Germany when Hitler famously announced the beginning of Fascism- a system of government that’s basically communism if you just trust me and don’t bother reading up on it. Though the bill, which also includes a ban on Apple Pie, Churches and Old People, faces many hurdles in congress, it seems likely that in four to six months, we’re all going to be out of work and living on a weekly stipend of government cheese for sustenance. In the unlikely event that this announcement is actually not a major step to ending free enterprise but instead an earnest and cost-neutral attempt to keep the medical industry in check and provide a service which is seen by many as a human right, it would be just another addition to a long list of things Republicans were wrong about, including but not limited to Iraq, the housing bubble, the environment, privatizing social security, deregulating the securities market, Sarah Palin, George Bush, tax cuts, George Bush again, Iraq the first time, Medicare, civil rights, women’s rights, public education and, lest we forget, everything else ever.

SOCIALISM DECLAIRED IN AMERICA

PRETTY MUCH

WASHINGTON, DC – Although a clear majority of 30% of the country expressed its opposition by tea-bagging each other on Fox News this past August, the Government™ has announced the end of capitalism and the beginning of a slow-moving but sure process to turn the United States of America into a communist arm of Soviet Russia, which don’t tell them, but actually still exists and has been pushing for this for a long time (they’re the guys who forged Obama’s birth certificate, FYI).

In a statement to the press, senate majority leader Harry Reid detailed the plan that would, in its current form, allow states to opt-out of socialism if it could prove to the Government™ that its capitalism was doing just fine thanks. Most political annalists however, see in this move echoes of Nazi Germany when Hitler famously announced the beginning of Fascism- a system of government that’s basically communism if you just trust me and don’t bother reading up on it.

Though the bill, which also includes a ban on Apple Pie, Churches and Old People, faces many hurdles in congress, it seems likely that in four to six months, we’re all going to be out of work and living on a weekly stipend of government cheese for sustenance.

In the unlikely event that this announcement is actually not a major step to ending free enterprise but instead an earnest and cost-neutral attempt to keep the medical industry in check and provide a service which is seen by many as a human right, it would be just another addition to a long list of things Republicans were wrong about, including but not limited to Iraq, the housing bubble, the environment, privatizing social security, deregulating the securities market, Sarah Palin, George Bush, tax cuts, George Bush again, Iraq the first time, Medicare, civil rights, women’s rights, public education and, lest we forget, everything else ever.

5:32pm  |   URL: http://todayinpictures.tumblr.com/post/224164600/socialism-declaired-in-america-pretty-much
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