FRENCH POLITICIAN INFLUENCED BY BELOVED CARTOON SKUNK
The French political world continues to be in a perpetual state of rock by news that the likely challenger to President Sarkozy’s government, and current chief of the International Monetary Fund, sexually assaulted a maid in a posh New York hotel on Sunday night. While Dominique Strauss-Kahn, whose mother admits was named at random by a French Name Generator, awaits the results of DNA testing, his lawyers have given word that he plans to use the tried and true “Pepe Defense.”
“We French have a proud tradition of forcing ourselves on women who find us unattractive,” said the lawyer, Jaque Le Jaque, “take French national hero Pepe Le Pu, for example, we grew up admiring Pepe’s tenacity, his confidence, his romantic disposition, that old French desire to penetrate that sexy little cat regardless of how often or vehemently she refused.” Though it is not yet clear if the American justice system is willing to accept this.
“We’re not in Frenchland anymore, boys. Here in America, the only people who get away with rape are NFL quarterbacks. Unless the defendant can bring another championship to Pittsburgh, he’s going to the slammer.” Said the Manhattan judge assigned to the case.
Though the lawyer has indicated that the Pepe Defense is not the only weapon in his arsenal. Arguing that there was a “cultural misunderstanding.” He explained, “Have you ever SEEN a maid in France? They’re all whores. We basically invented the sexy maid. They come to your room, dust a few things, say ‘Puis-je la poussière de votre pénis?’ to which you reply, ‘Non, mais vous pouvez la mettre dans votre cul si vous le désirez.’ It’s great. He just forgot what continent he is on. I recommend in future some kind of maid exchange program. If we buy the skirts in bulk we can probably get un sweet deal.”
Meanwhile, the prime minister of Italy, Silvio Berlusconi, had this to say in response: “Is that all you got? Call me when you have sex parties with women a quarter of your age who all call you Papa, and then lie to the authorities to get them out of jail when they get pinched, all while in office. Then, maybe, we can chat. Ciao.”
