JUDGE LEAVES TWO HANGING

QUEENS - In a small district court here in Jamaica, Judge Leslie Purificacion* broke with decades of tradition by not ceremoniously slapping-five either the defendant or the prosecution, resulting in a major burn that could take years for the victims to recover from.

In an increasing trend toward quicker trails with less nods toward time-consuming tradition, many judges are opting toward a less formal “Shut up and sit down” greeting upon approaching the bench, bypassing more traditional entrances of fog machines, tee-shirt guns and, of course, copious hand-slapping.

“Budget cuts have left behind many things we deeply care about” said Jose Moncada, the defendant and recent victim of having been left hanging, “after the judge told me to put my hand down, I thought he would settle for a fist-pump, but even that was too much for him. We just got right down to business. And I was like, for serious, Your Honor? I’m still way up high here for you.”

“It seems like in these crazy days of cutting budgets, nothing is sacred anymore.” Said one member of the New York Bar & High Five Association.  “At what point do we stop being a society, and start just being animals? Am I right? Up high.”

*real name of real judge.