CALIFORNIA COUPLE HAS AWKWARD MOMENT

SAN FRANCISCO - When Rusty Lancerson awoke on Tuesday morning he rolled over in bed, took a long hard look at his doughy buck-toothed wife, and had a revelation. “Darling,” he said to the stumpy creature who lay beside him each night, “lets not go to work today. Let us instead go to the courthouse and protest gay marriage.” His wife made a noise resembling that of a dying moose or a distressed platypus which he took as a signal of concurrence. And off they went.

What ensued was a string of awkwardness as Rusty and his lovely Michelin Man-ey wife traversed throbbing crowds of cheering homosexuals. “What the hell did we ever do to you?” asked one elderly gay gentleman.

“READ THE SIGN!” Rusty replied, pointing to a sign his special-needs partner made up that morning. It read “Marriage = Man + Woman”, with the man depicted as a blue stick and the woman depicted as a blue triangle - a mathematical equation which, in Rusty’s opinion, no queer could possibly argue with.

Of course, this would become an infamous day for supporters of “marriage the old-fashioned way” - by 2pm, a federal judge would strike down what’s become known nationally as Proposition 8. Nobody expects the fight to be over here, the next stop may very well be the Supreme Court, but in order to avoid more awkward encounters like the ones he had on Tuesday, Rusty might just sit the next one out.

“At one point, it kind of dawned on me that it was pretty stupid to spend an entire day out at a courthouse telling other people what I think they shouldn’t be allowed to do. I could have gone to work today. I could have taken the day off and stayed home with my…” at which point he gazed over at his horribly disfigured wife and lost his train of thought.